HELP! MY WIFE IS A GUY! (SHORT STORY)

Disclaimer: This story is fictional and is not a window to my views on the matters discussed. Just having fun. Enjoy!

HELP! MY WIFE IS A GUY!

Yes, my wife’s a guy and it’s killing me! I’ve been living with this situation for twelve months and I just can’t take it anymore. When a man gets married, you want your better half to be docile, passive, unquestioningly loyal and cuddly.

But my wife is none of the above. She stands at 6 ft 2 inches and has an athletic build. That should have warned me to give her a wide berth but at 5 ft 4 inches, it scattered my head that a girl that tall would give me the time of day. Besides, I’m a strong advocate of improving the progeny, so I decided I wasn’t gonna look any further for my queen.

Then when we started dating, I found that we had so many interests in common. We both loved and played football, we could both hold our drinks very well and we had a sweet tooth, which translated to cake and more cake, fast food and all kinds of sugary treats. It was like falling in love with your twin. We had loads of fun alone as a couple and hanging out with the guys.

Trisha (my wife’s name) knew the game of football like the back of her hand: the history, the players, clubs, coaches, leagues and championships (home and abroad). I used to feel so proud when she would take on the guys on a controversial matter like the best lineup of players or formation for a match prior to the game and the eventual outcome would confirm she had been right.

But then we got married after two years and you would expect a woman to realise that being a wife is far different from being a girlfriend: the responsibilities are not the same and the composure, carriage and behaviour of the lady should denote her social elevation to the position of a home maker. Unfortunately, if my wife knows that she is married, I cannot tell except that I know she had been physically present when we took our vows and I see her cheerfully putting on her rings everyday.

Love doesn't always fit the mould we give it. #quote #love #marriage Click To Tweet

To begin with, our domestic arrangements are far from satisfactory where they have existed at all (kitchenwise, I mean). I mentioned earlier that we had loved fast food but I quickly outgrew that unhealthy appetite as I eagerly marched towards matrimony. But my wife clung to her love for tasty treats and takeouts.

This was unacceptable to me but she convinced me it was cheaper to eat out than cook at home. She also said we’d enjoy better sex if we didn’t have to spend hours contriving and preparing meals. I certainly could not argue with that.

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“Think of the mess that cooking creates,” she added. “Who would do the washing up?”

I’m sure you’re beginning to see why I say my wife’s a guy. I miss the uha with uziza soup my mum used to cook when I was young and the okazi with periwinkle. You don’t find that stuff at the eateries out there. I know how to cook those things quite alright and she doesn’t, but how can I enter the kitchen and be cooking when I have a wife? I had laughed when she told me during our courtship that she couldn’t cook but it’s not funny anymore. Seriously, why didn’t she go and learn before accepting my hand in marriage? My cousin, Ben, once asked if I’d given it to her as a condition beforehand. Stupid boy! What type of question is that?

Also, a young man wants to be free on weekends to watch matches with his mates, do some betting and drinking and come back to see the wife busy washing, cleaning and doing all those things women do around the house. But my wife knows all the fixtures and she hardly misses a match.

To make matters worse, she has a knack for supporting opposing clubs to mine. In the early days of our relationship, when I was an Everton fan, she picked another London club to back: Chelsea. And when I moved my affections to Manchester United, she chose city rivals, Man City as her club. It’s bad enough that she’s with me in the viewing centre shouting herself hoarse with the guys, she does not understand that a woman should stand by her man in all things, not publicly oppose him.

Today was the last straw. Atletico Madrid was playing its second leg match against Juventus in the UEFA Champions League. Twenty minutes into play, I observed that Altletico was looking good and would definitely ace the match. In response, Trisha predicted that Juventus would have an easy win, countering my analysis and projection. I was so angry that I called her Martina. (We have this joke in our circle of friends that a masculine-looking woman is Martina Navratilova, one-time tennis champion. It’s not meant to be a compliment. The dig is also a veiled reference to Martina’s lesbianism.) Everyone had a good laugh at Trisha’s expense.

You would expect a self-respecting female to be sullen, to give me hell for that jibe, possibly banish me from the bedroom for the night but not Trisha. The moment we got home, she was all over me. I wanted to hold back but our size difference meant I didn’t stand a chance. When I could catch my breath a half hour later and tried to apologize, she had difficulty knowing what I was talking about. When it dawned on her, this is what she said.

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“You still dey remember that thing. Na waa for you oh.”

Then she rolled over and promptly fell asleep, adding some snoring into the bargain. All guy stuff! What right has she to fall asleep before me after we make love? My sister, Faith, tells me her husband does that while she goes to tidy the house against the next day. As I was lying down fuming, the bell rang and it was Ben, the cousin I told you asked me a strange question sometime ago.

I explained the matter to him since I didn’t really have anyone else to talk to and the whole thing was riling me. From what I’ve told you so far you should know that Ben’s head is not very correct because his response was:

“Ol’ boy, you should thank your stars!”

Imagine! Abeg, anybody that has good advice, sensible one, should drop it for me in the comment thread before I take a drastic decision. Thank you in advance.

-The end-

This story, Help! My wife is a guy!, is fictional and funny. Click To Tweet

Ⓒ Edith Ugochi Ohaja 2017

uha, uziza and okazi are local vegetables

“You still dey remember that thing. Na waa for you oh” is Pidgin English for “Are you still remembering that thing? I’m surprised at you.” This may not be 100% accurate but it’s the best meaning I could come up with based on the context.

“Abeg” means “Please” in Pidgin English

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I am a university lecturer. I teach Mass Communication, mostly writing courses like Feature and Interpretative Writing, Magazine Article Writing and News Writing, and let’s just say I’ve been doing this for a long time. As you have probably guessed, I am a born-again Christian.

191 thoughts on “HELP! MY WIFE IS A GUY! (SHORT STORY)

  1. You know, i dont see this as a problem because you knew she was like that before you married her, for any relationship to work, communication has to be very strong, oga if you have a problem, seat your wife down and talk to her am sure you both will understand, this shouldnt be a problem. on her own part she might be thinking that everything is fine because you dated her like that and you put a ring on it

    • Abi oh! The problem really seems to be one-sided. Guy dey break im head, wife dey sleep, add snoring for jara.? Bless you, Amarachi!

  2. Kiakiakiakiakiakiakiakiakiakiakia…
    No o! Aunty, the stori neva finish o! There must be a reason Ben gave that response. There’s a comparison somewhere in Ben’s crazy mind. I’m loving this for a Sunday!

  3. What a funny story. This was so hilarious there was no dull moment. I feel for my guy shaa. We guys do admire Women that know a little football, but Trisha’s case is honestly too intimidating. Nice one there.

  4. So funny. To solve the problem, I think you should keep on advising her on how to be a home maker. Everyone has weakness. In her weakness, you should be her strength. Mind the tone you use in correcting her,let her know that you are really serious & that her attitudes are not funny anymore. U can also lure her into cooking by being there to guide her. Yes,try doing the cooking together with her for sometimes, I know she will pick up. She should have female friends, try getting them to talk to her too

  5. Well the husband should be thankful he married a guy like her I actually like people like that, they never take things to heart “you still dy remember that thing na waaa for you o” just that she should start cooking and cleaning for her husband.
    A very interesting fiction…

  6. Funny it wasn’t a problem to him at first cause it was everything he loved she loved too, it’s not her fault cause he knew it before hand and expected change,he didn’t look at the future he only enjoyed the present. As for what he should do he should just accept it that way and go and purchase Christian books about marriage, change in one way or the other then trust me she will follow suit.

    • This is nice! I like the idea that he too should change if he expects her to and to seek wisdom from Christian books. Thank you very much, Ijeoma. You are soooo blessed!

  7. Nice piece ma, I think the man only need to device a method to teach her how to do the house chores by first encouraging her to do it alongside with him. The man was to blame, he was busy enjoying the dates before marriage rather than setting up a good foundation for marriage.

  8. hmmmm….. sweet!! am in love with this story. the story line makes sense. And for the young man, he really shouldn’t bother. There are a lot of girls who are like her and they make a very chaotic home hahaha. But in the real sense, I think he should live with his wife like that and maybe try to explain things to her. Hopefully she will change.

  9. nice write up. to my own understanding i think the woman is the one marrying the man. imagine the man can not even control his wife, couple with the fact that the woman is way taller than the man. since the man have been enjoying his wife behaviour when he has not married the woman, he never complained, let him keep enjoying it to the fullest. how i wish that all these greedy men will read this. kudos to you my greatest mass communication teacher, can’t wait to read more of your stories.

  10. Lol, this piece is quite an hilarious one o. My guy is sending SOS message because of his wife’ attitude. Meanwhile, just like Mr Israel rightly pointed out earlier, guys like girls who know and discuss sports especially soccer, but Trisha’s own is now mental case o. My guy should just calm down and deactivate his dstv subscription, sell his television and buy radio, then take her to the kitchen and teach her how to cook. Marriage is for better for worse, I no follow you make those vows.

    • OK, except that we’re not sure they own such gadgets since they visit a viewing centre. But u wicked small. Mental case? Lol!

  11. Lool, this is rib cracking, my uncle really needs to read this because he is always going on and on about how his future wife must be so grounded in football and other guys stuff so that they can “relate well”.
    Oya down to business, having too many tins in common wit ur partner doesn’t rily fire up that spark and spice tins up, it’s like they are so predictable. From the look of tins, Trisha is just being natural the way she knows how to be, teaching her a few tins wouldn’t hurt you, u need her to be womanly; teach her,it’s possible she is not aware of how u feel abt the whole thing. Good communication is key, she will adjust if she really loves you and you just might be singing a different tune soon.
    Don’t forget to thank me later and best of luck?

  12. She wows us yet again with another hilarious one. I’ve been reeling with laughter…
    But, Aunty, I wonder how you get these funny concepts. Quite a few would believe YOU could blend romance and sports (you know what I mean) with the full complements of the appropriate registers. That’s the stuff of a teacher’s teacher anyway.

    To the story, I once knew a ‘Trisha.’ She was more than a regular guy. She didn’t just talk football, she played it! Very well too. She narrowly missed a black belt in karate… Let me stop so far ‘cos she might read this (yeah, she reads everything too) and come after me. Lol.

    Great job, Aunty. And Happy Birthday to you!

    • So nice to hear from you, Veensaint! I’m glad you enjoyed the story, praise God! I just realised I hadn’t done a fictional story for a while and I thank God for the gift of humour. It certainly makes life more interesting.

  13. Hahaha…I feel communication is a problem in this marriage..The manner or tone used..Something is just not right about it..

    • Abi oh! E be like say ma guy dey fear im wife. Why is it when she’s asleep that he’s complaining to a third party?

  14. Absolutely hilarious. Can’t stop laughing in Kiswahili. This story somehow reminds me Teacher Lazarus and his wife in Chukwuemeka Ike’s ‘The Porter’s wheel.’

    Aunty, nice one.

  15. Very funny oooo.but I think there is little or no communication in that marriage..nobody is perfect , he should try and teach her certain things and see how she will respond to them..nice one ma

    • Yes, the way they have been partnering in enjoying football and other things, they should do the same in their domestic arrangements.

  16. I don’t know anything about relationships ooo. Buh if I should marry that kind of wife, wow, there’ll be no dull moment. Especially if she is a fan of Cristiano Ronaldo and I Lionel Messi. We will argue our hearts out. Our children, hmmm, they’ll support different teams.

    • I can picture that and I think it’s certainly doable. I’m impressed you have the understanding that arguments can be had in a way that doesn’t hinder concord in relationships. Bless you!

  17. Lol, my advice is to love and cherish your wife after all you married her like that. Also you should talk to her about your problems. Communication is the key to successful marriage. Great piece, well done ma.

  18. they said to find a virtuous woman is very hard. if u marry educated woman, she will display her intellectual abilities,if u marry illiterate, she is very dfficult to correct, okay, marrying a smart woman, she will tell u she is a guy. wetin man go do? It seems that a virtuous woman can only come as a gift from GOD .

  19. Lol,very funny..But there is no harm in teaching her how to cook and do some certain things besides he knew she could not cook when they were still dating so he shouldn’t be surprised. He should just talk to her politely about her responsibility as a wife if it can help

  20. hahahaahahahahahaaahha……..my sister comes into mind as she is a die hard football fan and we used to tease her about it…she is a bit like trisha..i remember when we all went to the village and her club Arsenal was playing she cried when all the guys in the house left her to watch the match…she cried so much that my mum had to call and beg my uncle to come and take her. she was the ONLY girl in the viewing center and all eyes were on her but she didn’t even mind. the only thing on her mind was the match and how well her club was playing. when the men shouted, she screamed but she didn’t mind. she loves football.

  21. Lolzzzzzz. This story is very funny, some people are like that and they never get to know they are doing these things unless you tell them. He should either tackle the problem the best way or adjust to it in order that he would enjoy his marriage…. I just enjoyed the story though. Dont want to take it too personal cus it’s fiction but then if I were the man ehh, I would lock her up in the house while I go to watch match to avoid her coming to disgrace me in front of my friends. Which one is if am watching football she will be there watching too. Nawa oo who does that…. Lolzzzzzz. Anyway that’s by the way, the story was really interesting and engaging as well. I enjoyed it……

  22. You’ve taken the vow of holy matrimony, so keep it sacred. The vow says that both of you will be together in all situations. There’s no exception. Try to live with it, it’s the mistake you made.

  23. I understand the man fully well, but the problem started from the onset while they were still courting. I love the wife’s attitude by letting him know on time that she isn’t the cooking type. Now what’s left for the man? He should let her know the essence of knowing how to cook. Besides, love endures all things, so he should take his time out and help his wife out from the mess because a wife should ofcourse know how to prepare some meals. It’s never late and they shouldn’t give up on each other, time still dey…lol.

  24. #LOL#. Eya, quite funny what some quys go through after marriage. But guys you really need to grasp that friendship and marriage are totally two distinct things. You can’t compare the two because their manner of living highly differs. And again, guys(I mean both male and female) be very attentive in some words your dates voice out while in the courting process. Assuming this guy took that her ” I can’t cook” words serious, he would have had a rethink about the whole thing. Considering the fact that he doesn’t play with his tommy. But instead, he was over driven by loveee. #lol#

  25. Marriage is For Better For Worse. At least they have their happy times and share a lot in common. He needs to advise her severally and put the situation in God’s hands.

  26. I think guys make better relationships than women. The man should see the woman as a blessing. All they need is communication. The man has to communicate his heart to the woman (in love as friends) and tell her how pleased he would be if the woman would turn a new leaf. This would make the bond stronger.

  27. Hahahahaha!!!!! Very funny, well he should have known from the onset that she was not the girly type. she never pretended about being one. she also told him she could not cook but he still went on with the marriage. well ma advice for him is that he should continue with what he signed up for. if he wants to get anything, he should do it himself or teach her if he really wants her to do it…….

  28. The is funny sha and just as Ejiofor said, its like the story teacher Lazarus and his wife in “the potter’s wheel”

  29. I won’t blame the young man though. imagine him arguing football with his friends and his wife is shouting him down. it’s kinda funny but on the other hand, he should have known the kind of wife he was getting married to. That means he did not do his research well or did not take his courtship seriously, cause if a woman tells you during courtship that she can’t cook and one goes ahead to marry, then he should be prepared to eat out all the time or get a maid. but what has happened has happened he should correct her in love and in private and not in front of third parties…beautiful story

  30. Gosh! with the title i was expecting the woman to be transgender…so funny… well u met her that way, so learn to live with her. am sure with time and advice on how to be a home maker from u, she will change…

  31. Oh my God! Very funny, am holding my tummy right now. Anyways our guy should not blame the poor Trisha too much ooo!!! he knew her kind of person before he married her. The piece is an eye-opener for guys who are already in a relationship or intend going into one. It is usually important to carefully study the lady so the relationship does not turn sour.

  32. Omg.. This story is hilarious. He obviously didn’t want to observe the good things in his wife, which is quite sad.

  33. Omg.. This story is hilarious. He obviously didn’t want to observe the good things in his wife, which is quite sad.

  34. Hahahahahaha,very funny, but I think relationships should be more successful when they have different interests and qualities. quite interesting.

  35. Your wife obviously has nuclear capability. Push the wrong button and we might end up with cockroaches.

  36. This story cracked me up! People should accept others for who they are, especially when they want to be with them. Nice story, Ma!

  37. Lol. This story is funny in a way. I don’t even know what advice to give. But talking to her about the things you can’t tolerate anymore might be of help. Communication is an essential ingredient in making a relationship work.

  38. Lol! Guy, you didn’t ask for my advice when you were chasing her, now you want it. Ok o!
    Here it is: you knew she was like this before you married her, so, enjoy! After all, you should be grateful she is a peaceful woman.

  39. Hilarious. She was real with him all through. She believed he loved and married her for those qualities he now complains of. So how is she supposed to change if he is so scared of speaking up? The relationship lacks communication. He needs to communicate his feelings, that’s the first step.

  40. This story is so funny. The vow “I do” has never been a magic wand or spell. They should learn to tolerate each other.

  41. My guy. There’s no cause for alarm. U started the game by dating her and visiting eateries earlier before marriage.

  42. The story sounds very real though fictitious. Despite our personality, there is always room for change and of course mutual tolerance between couples. Shalom!

  43. its kinda weird but then it’s cool.
    she’s just being herself.
    and the husband should start learning how to deal with that. after all, he wasn’t blindfolded during their courtship.

    the only time i will have problem with her is when she’s unable to conceive.

  44. Just help your wife to understand what she needs to understand. Approach her in her happy moods and always pray for her

  45. what are you still waiting for to get a divorce? a woman should always understand her place in the home. Marriage is suppose to make a person set new goals and not re- fuel the old ones. For christ’s sake, no one should get married unprepared.

  46. hahahahaahahaha its so funny….but I think what you have to do is to start making the girl get jealous, you can plan with a friend (girl) who you would call everytime your wife is around, and always praise her for the delicious food she gave you, and that she is really a wife material, that how you wish you have her type as a wife….whenever you want to call your wife, intentionally call her your friend’s name and also when she is awake pretend your sleeping and call the girl’s name and also praise her, say all those things you wish your wife can be doing. start coming back late, start avoiding her…I think with these she will bend down

  47. Lol. This is the funniest story I have read on this blog. I laughed from the beginning to the end. he’s married to a tomboy, he should deal with it

  48. Wow! Though amazing, but real.
    As for me, I think you should sit her down and discuss with her, only by this there could be an agreeable conclusion. Thanks a lot Aunty, this writeup is really cool.

    I Love You Ma’am

  49. You know all this about her before you married her. So I suggest you help her by turning her into what you want her to be like. Teach her how to cook. Make her understand that this is marriage, not courtship.

  50. Hahaha, I just can’t stop laughing, this story is funny nevertheless it serves as a warning or more as an advice to youths who wants to marry. just check your spouse character very well before jumping into marriage. Nice one, keep up the good work.

  51. This is serious, women of nowadays you won’t kill me, ha! if it were me ,I will kill somebody, how can married woman do not know her responsibility.anyway what can I say my brother have patience and endure,all will be well..

  52. Very funny!!! He can file for divorce if he can’t put up with her any longer. Like he said, she’s a guy so she wont really care!!!

  53. This is a very funny tale, full of those funny intricacies that could make anyone laugh out loud.

  54. This story is both humorous and lesson teaching. For the fact that the woman is behaving like a man is so funny. However, the lesson to know here is that courtship is not only about fun or having a good time in an eatry with your partner, it involves studying the person thoroughly before marriage, to avoid HAD I KNOWN when married. Great writeup MA, God bless you more to write more.

  55. Simply hilarious!.But didn’t he know she was like that before he married her?.Typical.They always complain after the deed has been done.Seriously though,it’s her nature and he should try to love her for who she is,snoring and all.It’s kinda cute,married to a tomboy

  56. Really funny…… Didnt you know your wife before getting married? It should not be much of a big deal. If the love is there stay with her.

  57. I would rather conceive Trisha’s attitude as a lifestyle which does not necessarily need to be shaved off rather little amends. It might sound funny for a man to suggest to a lady or wife on how to run her home but then, it is not totally out of place to do so, so i was able to spot that the husband was more concerned with what the lady couldn’t do as a wife, neglecting what himself couldn’t do as a husband which include seating her down and talk sense into her as some ladies, the likes of Trisha needs it.

    Nice piece Aunty, Keep up your good work

  58. I just can’t help but laugh…wow!! In my own opinion he should try and sit his wife down point out her flaws in a nice manner ooo and also point out ways in which she can change. He should try and be doing some things like cooking and so on it will compel her to buckle up. Prayer is another way to do so just like in the movie “Fireproof” he should watch that too… ?

  59. Although funny, this is a serious issue, definitely you can`t have two men in a family and for sure Trisha is a man. Well I would blame it on the real man for not paying attention to “little details” that would have been very useful in making decisions on choosing a life partner. That you have fun any time you are with a person does not make him/her a potential partner and I think he should try talking to her and make her realise that marriage means more than whatever picture she has painted of it, if that doesn`t do the trick then only a miracle can change Trisha because it is obvious that that is the way she is .

    • My dear, it depends on one’s view of life. For some, companionship and the fun you spoke are their priority in choosing a partner and it works for them. Cheers!

  60. am thrilled. she is quite special and an exception among the womenfolk. I like her type. Mr Man, u should be thanking God for marrying her; if not u will sleep outside for one week and probably get sore knees from apologizing. thank ur stars.

    • So, his cousin, Ben, was right? Lol! I like her too. The Bible even says we shouldn’t hold on to our anger (don’t let the sun go down on it). Sometimes, it’s easier said than done tho’. Happy weekend!

  61. Lol, I admire girls who know things about football and wrestling but in Trisha’s case, she also has the built (body). I honestly do not know what to say.

  62. My tummy oooo ,I can’t laugh again ooo.Trisha is really something else. But on a serious note, I’m still surprised that she didn’t get angry when he called her Martina even when she knows the implied meaning. I’m not saying she should make a ruction over it.
    My advice is that he should try cooking for both of them once or twice. When she gets to know that those things they eat outside can be made more affordable and handy at home, he would then teach her and she will be willing to learn.

    • Shouldn’t stop him from cooking still, if you ask me. Glad you thoroughly enjoyed the story. Bless you, Uzoma!

  63. Wow!! I can’t jus stop laughing. Trisha’s knowledge of the game is actually cool but I feel everything should have its limit. I’m actually not here to apportion blames but I somehow agree with the husband. Well, the deed has already been done. Its time to make amends. It won’t hurt much to teach her some culinary skills.

  64. Hilarious! Trisha’s case is exceptional. She has a good sense of humour quite alright but a lady has got to be a lady. The husband should have paid attention to things like that before marriage, love is not always the basis for marriage. But wait oh! Does it matter who goes to bed first after making love?

  65. Lol.. He should teach trisha how to cook since she doesn’t know how to cook. Men should be careful when choosing a wife. You married a woman that told you that she didn’t know how to cook when both of you were dating but you still went ahead to marry her and now you are complaining.

  66. Trisha doesn’t know how to cook, seriously! If he claims to love her,He should tell her what he dislikes about her masculine spirit precisely the aspect of not cooking. Then prove to her he loves her by teaching her the little he knows about cooking am sure she would be willing to learn.

  67. This is very funny oh!
    but me I no blame Trisha at all.
    Me I dey her back because him for consider say marriage na lifelong something.

  68. Hmmmmmmm. The guy should take it easy, because he saw all these when they where still dating and went ahead to marry her. Now he is calling her a guy, it is not fair ooo. If you do not love her again, there is always a solution which is divorce.

  69. Lol! Some woman are strong because it takes only the strong mind to act like that, the woman is controlling her husband she is very bold and taller than him but still the man still married her,so he shouldn’t complain about how the wife behave☺️….I think ?

  70. Some women are really strong and can’t be controlled easily. She showed her true colours from the beginning and u except her to change all of a sudden. Love a woman for what she presently is and don’t except her to change all because of marriage

  71. This kind of woman doesn’t need control from her husband but love because he knew her attitude before getting married to her…..He should try to teach her the necessary things and definitely should not be with force ….I wouldn’t advice any from of divorce

  72. This story is just hilarious, what type of wife is that? “Who would do the washing of dishes?” What kind of stupid question is that? I would advise every single males and bachelors out there to know the type of girl you wants to marry very well to avoid this kind of stories

  73. Lolllll. OMG that was so hilarious. For the love of God, the guy is overreacting and overanalyzing his marriage. I don’t see anything wrong with Trisha .I see her as a very cool person. I thought that her kind of person is every guys dream. I think he should help her with her inability to cook. The one problem guys have this days is that instead of talking to their spouse about how they feel about certain issues, they would rather talk to a total stranger, who might give them a positive or negative advice. I think the husband should just calm down and stop being so uptight.

  74. This story is just funny can’t stop laughing. Well l love the fact that she showed her true colour, so it is left with the man to live with it. I have a friend who behave just like Trisha. Man woman. Lol

  75. She wasn’t pretentious when she met her husband, but the man chose to stick with her.He should keep living like that or talk to her with a calm voice and explain things to her.
    He can teach her and they could do these things together,by so doing she will learn.

  76. i think its actually not Trisha’s fault. She told him from the very start that she couldn’t cook, yet he went ahead and married her. That should be because he loves her very much, so he shouldn’t give up on her now and he shouldn’t feel too proud to go into the kitchen and cook. The woman’s place in not really in the kitchen. He can cook, he should be the cook in the house.

    • Endurance, do try to proofread your comments before posting. You are highly blessed in Jesus’ name.

  77. This shouldn’t be a problem. You loved her like that, don’t expect her to change suddenly after marriage when you never complained during courtship.

  78. Women should not forget the distinctive role the creator had bestowed on them to play in the life of men. Some of the women forget who they are and why they were created and such attitudes led to the emergence of egalitarian families in our society, women trying to look like men or exhibiting qualities of men. They don’t know that the noun woman depicts: beauty, love, peace, happiness, soft hearted ness and the best companion of man e.t.c men are advised to look for wife material, woman than can make home.

  79. Let me just say that all these was your fault. You saw her behaviour while you guys were courting and now you are complaining. The worst thing is that you cannot even sit her down and correct her. My brother your wahala is just starting. You will face it all. This is a lesson to all young lovers do not dive into any relationship you are not sure of because you will forever regret.

  80. Lol, This story is funny, there are women like that na, I think he should be able to see her good qualities not her flaws.If he claims he loves her, he should tolerate her as well

  81. A very hilarious post. Having opposing clubs shouldn’t be a base for an argument. About the cooking and cleaning of the house, this should have been discussed before marriage but since it hasn’t, both husband and wife should come together with level heads and address the issue. Since you enjoy your football time with her, it shouldn’t be a problem but something to use to connect with your wife.

  82. A nice piece and a hilarious one for that matter.love is really blind until it turns to marriage.The way he felt for her should not change after he married her.this goes on to mentality in Nigeria. The wife should not always been pushed aside,docile or passive.we should learn to love and understand

  83. This is serious,with all the description he still went ahead to marry her.Let him enjoy comfort,companionship to great level.she can serve as a wife and a man.let men learn to treat their wives not as weaker vessel but as a helper sent to them by God.

  84. A fascinating one ,our men should learn to accept the females as strong as them.we should let go of this mentalality toward opposite sex

  85. From the story she seem to b oblivious to the fact that she is married and therefore must possess some wifely characteristics. Lol! The guy should educate her maybe she might change

  86. Hmmmm. He was aware of all these before he married her, I don’t know why all of a sudden he feels otherwise. Well please talk to her, if she loves you she will definitely listen to him but he has to be patient. God bless you ma

  87. A captivating one for that matter,let learn to treat our wives as equals.Even if it is stated that the are weak vessel.you were the one who was blinded by love.you should learn to love her again

  88. This is so funny but is there any problem with his wife being a tomboy, besides during courtship wasn’t he meant to know the kind of woman he was marrying, well people and their marriage.

  89. Ben doesn’t really have a problem. All he needs to do is to have a heart-to-heart discussion with his wife concerning the issues that trouble him. No marriage is devoid of misunderstanding.

  90. A very hilarious post. Having opposing clubs shouldn’t be a base for an argument. About the cooking and cleaning of the house, this should have been discussed before marriage but since it hasn’t, both husband and wife should come together with level heads and address the issue. Since you enjoy your football time with her, it shouldn’t be a problem but something to use to connect with your wife.

  91. I think what is wrong with the family is misunderstanding. Marriage is not the same thing with boy friend and girl friend of a thing. marriage demands wisdom and maturity; not physical maturity but psychological maturity. My advise to both of them is that they should learn how to tolerate each other.

  92. A very hilarious post. Having opposing clubs shouldn’t be a base for an argument. About the cooking and cleaning of the house, this should have been discussed before marriage but since it hasn’t, both husband and wife should come together with level heads and address the issue. Since you enjoy your football time with her, it shouldn’t be a problem but something to use to connect with your wife.

  93. He was overwhelmed by the fact that they had so many things in common that he didn’t recognize other important things too. Besides Trisha told him that she couldn’t cook but he ignored that and went ahead to marry her. So it wasn’t her fault, that’s what he bargained for.

  94. That guy is so not serious. Gone are the days when a woman’s job is the kitchen. If he knows how to cook why can’t he? Hmm. This has just annoyed me because that’s what most guys these days think but unfortunately for them women have matured and moved on from the kitchen. Look at man stating what a woman should do and not do. If I get married tomorrow and I hear my husband says stuff like this, it definitely won’t go down well with me at all. In marriage, everyone is supposed to do everything when u have time or when it’s not convenient for the other person. That’s why a successful marriage has a lot to do with compromise

  95. Loooooooool
    This is funny . But I think that this should not really be a problem. In the first place, he knew that she could not cook before he married her.
    Secondly, if he really misses those dishes his mother used to cook, why doesn’t he go to the kitchen and prepare it himself? Does he have to wait for the wife to cook for him? Gone are those days when a woman’s place is in the kitchen
    Thirdly, What stops him from teaching her how to cook? It will even be fun sef because from what I observed, she’s a carefree person.
    Lastly, I think they should sit and talk instead of him dying in silence.

  96. The fault is actually yours.How could you expect a lady who has never cook in her life time to stoop so low and cook for you at this late hour of your relationship?.
    Nevertheless,sit your wife down and talk some sense into her kk.Let her know how you feel.

  97. Wonderful post
    Lolz????? can’t stop laughing
    If u wife is a man then become the woman in the relationship so the equation is balanced.
    He noticed her flaws but still got married to her then why complain.
    To trisha , she is married now so she should as well learn to adjust.
    Marriage no be football game ?????

  98. This is funny and sad. The man knew from time that the woman he loves does not believe in the so-called gender roles but insisted on taking her to the altar. What was he expecting,that the idea of marriage will suddenly change her views? Interesting read. Thanks.

  99. Men, please be careful who you marry. Don’t marry your Godmothers. But you noticed and knew all that before walking up the aisle with her so carry-on, no retreat, no surrender.

  100. This is a lovely, interesting and captivating story. I think he should talk to his wife about building the characteristics of a mother in herself because considering her present state, she cannot be a good mother talk more a good wife. Thank u ma’am for this nice story.

  101. I wish as i type “Lol”, you would hear the sound of laughter accompanying it.
    I really love this. It is undoubtedly interesting and captivating. More so, as I read, I have the picture of a tall, big looking giant woman, that has the looks of a ” tom boy”. I see in Trisha, this carefree sort of woman that has a way of gently enforcing her opinions without disrespect yet making the husband seem foolish. (As in the football predictions, hers was usually right).
    Well, whatever he saw in her that he liked before he got married to her, he should cling to it and jeep seeing it everyday so he can keep loving her. Marriage is for better for worse. Also, I think he should find a way of making her understand she needs to cook his meals as his wife.
    Trisha is a loving and understanding wife. M sure she will adjust…. Lol….

  102. I wish as I type”Lol”, one could hear the sound of my hoarse laughter. Well, I see a tall gigantic looking lady with the charisma and looks of a “tom boy” in Trisha.
    I think she is a wonderful and fun loving person. He should just find a way to talk to her and make her understand that she needs to cook his meal as his wife.
    For me, marriage is for better for worse.. No going back. M sure Trisha would understand and adjust.

  103. I can’t stop smiling! I don’t see any reason for him to complain! He was so happy that they had a lot in common and he didn’t see all that flaws at first so why complain now? He should live with her like that or talk to her and I believe she will understand though it will be difficult for her to change.
    The story is really captivating especially the heading” Help! My wife is a man” lolz.

    • Lol. Quite an interesting and hilarious read.

      The guy shouldn’t be surprised nah. After all, his wife’s character didn’t change, he knew from ab initio that his wife loves football just like him. He’s aware they’re on the same page, hence his reasons for marrying her.

      Wait ooo! He knows she don’t know how to cook and still married her? He didn’t send her to catering school? He got what ordered for nah?

      Well, I think communication is the tool they’d use in fixing their home. He should try and tell her areas she’ll improve on.

      More so, men cook and arrange the house too. He should start doing these things so the ‘bros’ he married will learn from him as well.

      Lol. He really married his fellow man.

  104. It sounds like there are two “husbands in the house”. Lol. Not bad. The man should have a talk with Trisha and explain himself and what he doesn’t like about her. Or better still take her to a catering school or teach her how to cook his favorites. But He should count himself lucky that he has more of a companion than a wife.

  105. I just want to laugh, haha haha, what a world! I am busy complaining that if I end up marrying a football lover, I won’t know what to say ,though I would love to have an idea , someone else is here complaining, still on it I love cooking and my friends complain that I need to start learning to eat out that cooking is stress. I don’t have any advice for this Mr. Ooo.

  106. what a funny story, I pity this man because truly his wife Trisha is a guy but he shouldn’t be crying for help because he saw it coming. Courtship is a time when partners should study each other to know the kind of person he or she is getting married to. He saw the signs of what his marriage is likely to be but could not think twice

  107. I’m sure he saw all those attitude in Tricia before putting a ring on her finger that means he liked them. If he doesnt like them again he should talk to Tricia about it or better still accept what he chose on his own.

  108. They said to find a virtuous woman is very hard. if u marry educated woman, she will display her intellectual abilities,if u marry illiterate, she is very difficult to correct, okay, marrying a smart woman, she will tell u she is a guy. wetin man go do? It seems that a virtuous woman can only come as a gift from God. Funny one ma

  109. ??? This is what most guys say they want someone who enjoys doing the same things as them. But deep down they want a woman who would actually love them enough to participate in the activities they like even though she has no clue what it’s about. Great one ma. Remain blessed

  110. It’s a woman’s role to take care of her man but he was fully aware of her short comings before marriage,he should calm down nd have a heart to heart talked with her am sure she will have a change of heart.great write up,love u ma

  111. This story is hilarious! First I disagree with his opinion that a new wife should be docile, passive, unquestioningly loyal and cuddly. People are different, so are women. I think it’s unfair to any woman for a man to try to change who she is as a person. They courted/dated, so he can’t honestly say that he is oblivious of his wife’s character and hobbies. He chose her anyway, so it’s grossly unfair to try changing her into a homely wife after marriage because he had seen the signs first and thought he could dismiss it. This doesn’t mean that a woman shouldn’t play her role as a wife. They never discussed it.

  112. Quite hilarious,Oh my gosh!!!!
    I think the man should deal with it,after all that was what he signed up for,he should have know better.Also he could try and correct her with love and patience,see if she can change.Otherwise,he is stuck-up with Trisha till death do us part .Nice one, ma’am,I really enjoyed.

  113. Lol..why do i find this so funny…i mean its okay for a female to love football but when its too much thats where the problem sets in…she could mix it as well..like exhibiting traits of a wife and a guy,,,nevertheless he should had seen these signs in her bfor deciding to marry her….getting married doesn’t automatically change a person’s normal attitude.

  114. Hahahaha! My brother you married a wife indeed. You took interest in her because she had same interest with you on football, sugary foods and that was when Obi is still a boy, now Obi is a man and Simbi doesn’t want to become a woman. Help her out, call it to her attention first and see her reaction. This is my advice to you.

  115. Hahaha… I am the last person to give marriage advice though, but notwithstanding, I feel a wife can love these things and still create a balance.

  116. Hahaha, I can’t stop laughing. The story is funny. The woman is really a man. I think the husband should accept her the way she is because from the look of things, she is not going to change (maybe she might change but not 50:50)He married her that way,so he should live with her that way. If he truly wanted to be eating uha with uziza soup (the one his mother loved to cook), he should have married his mother’s type.

  117. Soo hilarious. The man should have taken note if this warning signs before getting married to his wife trisha, rather he loved it and indulged her. I believe he shouldn’t blame her or feel irritated, rather he should create time and iron things out with her.

  118. He should probably talk to her and tell her how he feels about everything. And he made a mistake of not getting help for her to learn how to cook before the marriage. Its still not too late for her learn how to cook. Also, he’s lucky she’s not the type to hold a grudge, he should see it as an added point.

  119. First,COOKING IS JUST A SKILL! This implies that ANYONE can learn it. Its not just a ‘women’s thing, enough of this strerotype sh*t. Plus,you don’t see someone acting a certain way and expect the person to change when you guys get married. She or he has been living like that for how long,say 20 years, and then you expect the person to change over night. If you don’t like what you see during courtship period, LEAVE!

  120. Lol.. What was he thinking when he stood with her on the altar to declare his love for her and also agree to the “for better for worse” thing, so I suggest he should just remain married with her and also try to correct her gently. It’s not like I am taking sides with Trisha though, I mean, every lady or woman should at least posses good culinary skills, not just for the sake of your husband, but also for the children. If Trisha were my daughter or friend I would make sure she realizes that before saying yes to any proposal.

  121. She shouldn’t be judged because she acts in a different way. Girls are so stereotyped in our society. They can’t do anything boys do, like who proclaimed that. Girls can do so many things and more. But in her case, limitations should be taken, she is a wife and a drastic step from her past life should be abhorred.

  122. Loool, funny piece. This guy shouldn’t be complaining naa. Of course, he knew her well before marrying her. Let him be the boss of what he can do and let the lady do wat she knows how to do best. Besides kitchen duties r for everybody, or better still, teach her.

  123. Interesting story ma, though she behave like a guy but the man should talk to the wife about how he feel about the situation and if she didn’t change, my brother take drastic measure by stoping her from going to watch football and enroll her in a cooking school. This will tell her that you are serious because man cannot leave like this.

  124. This is a very funny story ma, well done. My advice to the guy is that he should sit his wife down,talk to her concerning the issue and see how he can make her change. If it does not work he should consort a counsellor.

  125. Trisha have always been like that from day one and he still chose her so why is he complaining now!!! They should probably visit a counselor so as to treat the issue without fighting.
    Moreover i can see the man has a little knowledge about cooking so maybe he should try cooking sometimes cause i see nothing wrong with that…
    Interesting story ma

  126. This is one of the biggest mistake most people who claim to be in love today
    make ,dating someone who has so much flaws and believing that when you both get Married that the so called person will change ,it’s a big lie . We humans beings have different characters and this characters are inherent, it is not something that will just be changed over night. And please regarding the issue of the house chores aspect like cooking, taking care of the house, I don’t see anything wrong with a man assisting his wife in that aspect, they should stop making it feels that ladies are born to Mar only the house hold responsibilities.

  127. This story is funny. I mean, who marries a woman just because she likes what you like or exhibit the same behaviour or attitude as you. It’s very important to look out for good qualities in someone before choosing them as your spouse and not on the basis of the both of you having same likes and dislikes which could also, show some signs of weakness. In the case, of his wife not being able to cook, she actually hinted that earlier to him but he took it lightly and kept on enjoying fast foods with her. Lol.. what was he expecting?

  128. LOL! Marriage is just so complicated, while some people are complaining of their partner being too quarrelsome, Trisha’s husband is busy complaining that his wife didn’t scold and quarrel with him after the football match, he should be happy that his wife is the easy going type.

  129. People tend to take certain things for granted, he should have first addressed the issue when he first noticed it,its too late for him thinking driving her away,he either lives with the recent situation or maybe invite her mother to advice or teach her the required wife material skill.

  130. Hahahaha!!! This story is really funny and also educative. It shows that marriage is totally different from relationship. Marriage is a lifetime something whether good or bad, that’s why it is adviceable to marry who you will find peace, love and care when you are with them. Thanks for that nice piece Ma!

  131. This is really funny….personally I think the problem began from the relationship he should have cautioned Trisha from the start about mingling within guys however since he never did so even till when they were married she then sees every thing as normal which makes it difficult for her to distinguish between marriage and relationship since same activities occurs in both.

  132. This story is very funny. My advice for him is that the things that made him to admire her and marry her should be what he will always remember and to keep the marriage going and he should try and convince her to change some of her character and act like a Lady.

  133. There is nothing to worry about just sit her down and talk to her in a sensible and respectful manner its obvious you two love each other very much you are even lucky she is not the type that holds a grudge for months and years so play it cool accept her for who she is and help her to be better but in a respectful manner remember she showed you all her weaknesses before getting married to you

  134. Ayaf died. Laugh won kill me. Lol! Hubby you know what you are getting yourself into before you embark on that journey called marriage. I think your solution is communication because judging from the look of things Trisha is not even aware of your discomfort. Talk to her and tell her where you want her to adjust to suit you. Remind her that she is now wife not girlfriend. At least she did not change after marriage she still behave the same way just that you no longer like it which is what that attract you to her in the first place. She is an understanding wife i think she will understand your plight. And also cook ones in a while to teach her how to do it if she is sensible she will start learning and correct those things that you don’t like any more.

  135. Lol,what was he expecting in marriage after she has shown him the real her,he should manage her like that Biko cos it obvious he can’t change her.

  136. Lol… Hilarious indeed,, shebi he knew she was like that before he married her, however, I think he should first of all try stopping her from watching football by spending more time with her at home and redirecting her mind to something else that will take her attention, then stop taking her out for food, try to teach her how to cook with love ,or enroll her in a catering school… It will be way too difficult but time settles some situations

  137. Trisha’s husband should have studied her carefully to know the type of character and know if is what he can actually live with for the rest of his life but he was not paying attention to this thing when they we’re dating and on the other hand of her not knowing how to cook is really bad but she can learn from those who are good in that because is very important that a lady should know how to cook and not just that but make both local and foreign meal.

  138. I really don’t get the guy’s complaints here honestly.
    It wasn’t like your wife hid her masculine inclinations from you from the get go.
    You saw all there was to her, but consciously opted for a Union. And now, you’re whining for what exactly??
    See, this accounts for the numerous reasons why divorce is alarmingly on the rise. People get married in the awareness that their spouses have some traits they’re not comfortable with and may even find intolerable, but somehow they convince themselves that he/she will realise that after marriage, those things about them will have to change.
    I laugh in short hand.
    No honey, nothing is changing!!
    Deal with it, or walk away.
    There isn’t much options available here.
    I write from experience because my cousin took a wife and had tons of expectations about what would change about her after marriage.
    It ended in a divorce and she’s happily enjoying her alimony. Everyone blames her for not being ‘wifely’ and few even accused her of never really loving her ex husband.
    But none of those is true of her.
    My cousin should have known better. She was never pretentious about who she was.
    So our oga should chill with the complaints and keep the marriage going.

  139. Lol, another funny one….. The guy is even lucky that his wife didn’t get angry in his bid to spite her by calling her Martina, he would then really know that his wife is indeed a guy.

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