- Posted by Edith Ohaja
- On June 4, 2017
- 156 Comments
The Story So Far:
Right after moving into his new place, Ebony’s neighbour shows up and insists on cleaning the dusty apartment for him. Suspicious of her motives, Ebony attempts to pay her for the service later but she is shocked and doesn’t touch the money.
This episode recounts their encounter the next day. They spent quite sometime together. What were there they doing and how did it go? Some humour awaits. Here we go!
MY BEAUTIFUL NEIGHBOUR #2
The next morning, I was woken by loud banging on the front door. I thought the house was on fire, only for me to rush out in my boxers to see Mama Chinonso looking like “Lord, have mercy on me!” Nobody had the right to look so good this early, I thought.
“You plan to sleep all day?” I was speechless. “It’s 8 a.m. Don’t you have to go to work or something?” I was still stunned by her looks and hadn’t recovered my voice. Her light skin had a lovely glow and she was shapely, too shapely!
“I wanted to make sure you were alive,” she said, with twinkles in her brown eyes, “and to tell you I’m going to the market. Are there things I should buy for you?”
“No, thanks!” I was now feeling self-conscious, wishing I’d spent some time at the gym rather than peering at my laptop 24/7.
“Think again. Curtains? Water containers? Mopping stick? Cooking utensils? Food?” Her inspection the previous night had revealed much.
“Alright! Since you seem to know all I need, make a list but don’t exceed ten thousand Naira.”
“Okay,” she replied and merrily walked back to her apartment. I gazed at her and absolutely loved the view. I doubt that any other guy would have reacted differently.
“D#mn,” I exclaimed.
I think you deserve to know exactly what she looks like. She is 5ft. 9″ or thereabouts, with some neat curves, which would look bad on someone of a shorter height. She has a high-bridged nose (like mine) and perfect dentition (the kind the Bible describes in the Song of Solomon as “each with its twin”. We used that love stuff from Solomon to toast* girls back in JSS*. Weird, right?).
She also has pale pink lips, lovely legs and best of all, masses of hair (not wig or weave on). With the number of girls I’ve had, I can tell the difference between the purchased and natural stuff from a mile. I later confirmed that she’s biracial (half Nigerian-half Greek) but, if you ask me, whoever contributed the Nigerian part was dulling*, making her look more like a Mediterranean than a Nigerian beauty. (I’m a connoisseur of sorts when it comes to female beauty, regardless of its origin.)
The moment I entered my flat, the red flag went off. What was I doing, I asked myself.
I hardly know this woman. What if she hasn’t enough money for her own shopping and is planning to cover it by skimping on my own purchases? Besides, how wise is it to let her shop for me? I’m certain prices will hit the roof when traders see a supposed Oyibo* woman.
I quickly brushed my teeth and pulled on jeans and my green “I love Naija” tee-shirt. A tap on the door and she met me putting on my sneakers in the corridor off the living room.
“I thought that since I’m free now, I’ll accompany you to the market in my car. You’re right. I really have a lot to buy. Carpets, a decent mattress, the things you mentioned and more.”
I kicked myself inwardly. If I bought all that, I would be spending thrice the amount I told her earlier. I never intended to squander money like that. But I continued, “It won’t be fair for you to shop for it all alone and move about in a taxi. The least I can do is carry them for you and be your chauffeur.”
“That’s very sweet of you.” You think! Although I had a policy of never hooking up with married ladies, I wasn’t too sure how things would play out with the beauty in front of me. But I was open to all possibilities.
“You’re just like my husband.” Oh-oh, that’s not good! “He usually accompanies me to the market.” Now, why would a guy do that? “It’s a good sign, you know, when a guy is patient enough to shop with a lady.” I perked up again. Could she be referring to us?
“Your girlfriend is a lucky lady.” Not what I was expecting to hear. “Do you have her picture around?”
“There’s no one at the moment,” I lied. The truth was there were several girls but I really didn’t know what I wanted with any of them beyond the usual ….
“No problem. In fact, it’s better you wait till you’re sure you’ll be committed before getting into a relationship.”
“That’s what I’m doing,” I lied again. I felt a desperate urge to agree with Mama Chinonso on everything and impress her thereby. Whether it would be enough to get us to where I was fantasising was yet to be seen.Admiring a beautiful woman is fine until your imagination goes rogue. Click To Tweet
I’d started out hoping to ensure she didn’t steal from me but I’d ended up lusting after her. But she failed to notice my subtle moves: brushing my hands against hers, smiling till my facial muscles ached and winking at her often. At some point, she said, “You smile an awful lot, you know! It just doesn’t seem right in Nigeria of today.” Then, “My pastor would love to display you on the pulpit as an illustration of the countenance to wear all the time no matter how bad things are.” We both laughed at that.
As we shopped, I was impressed with her bargaining skills. She was well known in the market and spoke Igbo throughout. We conversed easily as the day wore on. She asked me so many personal questions their answers would be enough to write my biography. She said little about herself (for instance, I learnt she was a teacher) but she spoke about her husband every chance she got. In fact, that was why I eagerly answered her questions. I had no interest in learning how nice and loving her husband was.
So, a day after moving where I hoped I would be left alone, I had succumbed to the charms of another female, this time, a married one!
To be continued
Ⓒ Edith Ugochi Ohaja 2017
*To toast a girl is slang for to tell her you admire or love her
*JSS means Junior Secondary School
*dulling in this context is slang for slacking or not doing well
*Oyibo is Igbo for white
LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU
Do you think it is wise of this lady to give Ebony so much attention?
Would you be kind enough to advise Ebony at this point on how to proceed in his relationship with her?
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