7 PROVEN GUIDELINES FOR GODLY DATING by MIRACLE NWOKEDI

Intro by Edith Ohaja:
Some Christians feel that children of God should not date at all. But that, as many would agree, is an untenable position. The more prevalent dilemma is that many young believers are caught between pleasing God in their relationships with the opposite sex and going the way of the world. Some sincerely want to do the right thing but don’t know how.

To address this issue, I invited a young Christian woman that I admire, Miracle Nwokedi, to write a guest post on it. Miracle is an author and a graduate of Mass Communication from Nnamdi Azikiwe University, Awka. (You can read her bio at the end of the post.)
Miracle has drawn from the Scriptures and her personal experience before she got married in crafting a rich resource for today’s Christian youth on this controversial, yet unavoidable, topic. This post will also come in handy for parents, teachers and guardians as they seek to direct the youths.

I am most grateful to her for sharing with us and I pray that God will use her more and more through writing and speaking that edifies His children. I also pray for abundant blessings in her personal life and on her family in Jesus’ name.

7 PROVEN GUIDELINES FOR GODLY DATING by MIRACLE NWOKEDI

It is illogical to think that young Christians do not aspire to relate closely with the opposite sex and it is unrealistic to tell them not to. I mean, as young Christians meet one another in church units, youth programmes, camps or even in non-Christian gatherings, they begin to share some connection. Just a little connectedness, and the desire for that special somebody who would stay closer, inspire, push and keep them straight starts to burn. At least, that’s the best way we can put it.

Who Should Date?

The idea to date should come from a mature mind ready to grab and grapple with everything that comes with dating. And by mature, I’m not referring to age because the age to begin dating is relative. I am talking about emotional, psychological and spiritual maturity to mention but a few.
While we have established that the age to begin dating is relative, individuals who have not had a full grasp of who they really are, what they want, why they are here (on earth) and where they are going, who most often would be caught somewhere between preteen and early teenage are not encouraged to date. Dating will mostly look appropriate when the individuals involved, though young, are looking seriously to settling down together and in the nearest future.

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Most Essential Ground Rule for Godly Dating

For a God-honouring and enriching relationship, there should be strict obedience to God’s word on purity – in thoughts, words and deeds.

Purity in Thoughts
“Guard you heart with all diligence”(Proverbs 4:23 KJV). The mind of every young Christian is a battle field. Ungodly thoughts are almost always something they inadvertently find themselves entertaining. There is a tendency that as young Christians strive to be sexually pure in their bodies, it becomes too much of a hard work putting a tight leash on the warring thoughts.
But thoughts do not come from a vacuum. They usually spark off from the music they listened to, the movie they watched, conversations they had or just something they had read. The eye is the lamp of the body (Luke 11:34). You can make a covenant with your eyes for the Lord (Job 31:1). And think of things that are right, pure, noble, lovely and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8).

Purity in Words
“Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out” (Colossians 4:6 MSG). Our tongues have been sanctified, consecrated to God. The words that they speak must aim at lifting, building and edification. The purest of words, seasoned and spoken to our partners with grace can heal, inspire and bring hope in despairing times.
Words have incredible power and the survival of a relationship can depend on the words expressed in it. Let every word be tasted as you speak to each other. “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth” (Ephesians 4:29). Words have been employed amongst young Christians to emasculate, shame and run down their partners’ self-esteem. That does not measure up to God’s standard of relating with someone. Besides, foul and suggestive words in the name of being trendy have been used by young Christians to speak defilement into the lives of their partners without knowing it.

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Purity in Deeds
So often, young Christians in a relationship are pressured to start kindling fires that would burn rather than keep them warm. There are too many emotions coursing through them, trying to find expression in their bodies. But yielding to fleshly lust can never be a natural way to express love.The truth still remains that every action and inaction in dating among Christian youths must be in pursuit of righteousness, clear-conscience and the ultimate good.
During my days in the university, a young sister tried so much to mix the Scriptures with the patterns of the world and head-knowledge. She disputed the need for sexual purity.
“How do we know we are sexually compatible and that we can satisfy each other in marriage if we don’t get to ‘test out’ while we are dating?” she asked.
As logical as that sounds, it reveals a lack of trust in God and self-deception. Self-deception in the sense that one feels that sexual compatibility is the most important basis for marital fulfillment and that disobedience to the clear word of God can lead to marital bliss. For instance, spouses can have great sex and yet lie to and cheat on each other, and this can result from the evil seed sown when sexual boundaries were trespassed through premarital sex.

When I was courting my husband, we agreed on setting boundaries for visitations. He had a covenant to keep. I did too. When our rendezvous was not in a restaurant, my family house and sometimes his sister’s were accessed. There was enough space in both houses to allow us a measure of privacy, yet under some watch. It was just our own method. Find what works well for both of you and apply it.
Sexual purity is a godly virtue. It stems from a renewed mind that is set to please God. It is not the same as abstinence. Sexual purity is much more than that. It is a spiritual exercise. It is honouring God in your body understanding that you have been bought with a price.

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A wholesome relationship will not open you up to gratifying the lusts of the flesh because the body is for the Lord, not for gratifying of the flesh (1 Corinthians 6:13).
Sexual immorality is not just a desire to gratify sexual craving. It is perversion. It is Satan’s way of making it seem like you can have it all outside marriage. Don’t buy it! In the words of Pastor Matt Chandler, “Nothing good has ever come from a boy and girl cuddling on the couch, watching a movie from 11:00 p.m. to 1:00 a.m.” It all starts with physical contact of the intimate kind. Holding hands, a hug or a peck are certainly not the same as deep kissing and other forms of foreplay. And once aroused, you will probably find that surge of erotic desire overwhelming.

Below are 7 Proven Guidelines for Godly Dating.

1. Consult God before dating anyone: It is advisable to get a divine green light before dating anyone or going into a relationship. Before I started taking my husband’s overtures seriously, I consulted the Lord and asked for His will. I prayed and got the spiritual conviction I needed. God who created you knows who will complement you best and help you become what He has planned for you to be.
Thereafter, make God the centre of your relationship. Pray and study the Bible together, if possible. A three-fold cord is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12). He will moderate your interactions, pruning the negative and amplifying the positive for the best outcome.

2. Have reasonable expectations: Do not overburden your partner with demands. This is mostly addressed to girls. God is still your Jehovah Jireh. Accept what your partner can afford and look forward to a better tomorrow. Steer clear of the current craze for Assurance started by Nigerian singer, Davido. You can read about it via the Related Post below.

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(Related: Aspiration in the Age of Assurance)
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3. Desist from every appearance of evil: Avoid spending time in places where other people will think wrongly of you and your partner. You should be extremely careful about visiting each other alone. You have no business locking yourselves up in a closet, much less staying over for the night. Make no room for things (conversations, movies and music) that can stir up and awaken the flesh (Songs 2:7;3:5;8:4).

4. Avoid ungodly companions who will pressure you to go against the will of God: Evil association will always corrupt good manners. It is also in your best interest that your family is aware. That, in itself, provides an eagle-eyed check on your relationship.

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5. Employ group dating: This helps friends who profess godliness to keep a close eye on one another, especially when the parties involved are just starting their relationships. Also the security problems of today and the issues of wolves in sheep’s clothing amongst Christians will sometimes require that you do not just hang out with a date all by yourself. Every ‘brother’ or ‘sister’ who comes to church may not be a true disciple of Christ. Many have been destroyed this way. Group dating prevents or, at least, lessens the sexual tension that results when you’re alone with your date and saves you from responding to certain fleshly lust. It also makes your time together more enriching because of the input of the other couples.

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6. Encourage each other’s wholesome aspirations: Take an interest in your partner’s pursuits. Gently discourage their unhealthy interests and enthusiastically support the noble ones. If, for instance, they love to sing but are self-conscious about it, you could have them sing for you, commend their ability and nudge them towards how they can improve. Don’t make fun of them or flatter them. Truthfulness is paramount if you actually want to help them.

7. Have a life: Be busy with whatever your hand finds to do. Be busy fulfilling purpose so that you don’t tie yourself around your partner. Clinginess can sometimes pretty much suck the juice out of a relationship.

PRAYER:
Guide my steps in every relationship I have, dear Lord, and may they honour you even as they help me to fulfil my purpose in life in Jesus’ name. Amen.

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ABOUT THE WRITER:
Miracle Nwokedi is a young Christian who employs speaking and writing as tools in reaching out to the world. Whether she is speaking to a closed-group of people, writing fiction or nonfiction, the motivation is to teach, inspire, heal and create change in her generation. She became aware of God’s call upon her life at a very young age when she started joining her mum in missionary ministries. Since then, she has been teaching God’s word in several Christian outreaches especially to young people and women.
Miracle recently had a collection of her short stories published by Words, Rhymes and Rhythm under the title Sons with Roots. You can learn more about it here. She lives with her husband, Tony (a businessman who loves the Lord), in Asaba, Nigeria. She can be reached on Facebook.

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Hi! Hope you have been blessed by this post. Do let me know:

What are you taking away from the post?

Is there any part of the post you disagree with? (This question is specifically directed to Christians.)

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I am a university lecturer. I teach Mass Communication, mostly writing courses like Feature and Interpretative Writing, Magazine Article Writing and News Writing, and let’s just say I’ve been doing this for a long time. As you have probably guessed, I am a born-again Christian.

210 thoughts on “7 PROVEN GUIDELINES FOR GODLY DATING by MIRACLE NWOKEDI

  1. Wonderful post. This is very enlightening. Young girls these days are now looking for Assurance from their significant other before they know he’s the one. Assurance is of the Lord. Any other is a counterfeit.

    • Very true, Miracle! May God protect our girls from the deception in looking to material things, rather than God’s leading and character. You are richly blessed in Jesus’ name.

  2. Nice one ma, the number 1 guildline which says “consult God before dating”, sometimes it’s confusing knowing if it’s God talking at that point or your heart because in most cases when you notice that the guy is serious, you have already fallen for him. So knowing if it’s your emotions speaking or God is most times difficult.

    • You’re right, it’s difficult identifying God’s voice in matters of the heart. But it’s important to practise listening to God in every area of our lives and learn to distinguish his voice from our desires. God mostly speaks to us through an.inner witness in our hearts. There is great peace when we consider the point we’re praying for, regardless of outward circumstances. God can also direct us to a verse of the Bible, a song or a word from someone else that addresses and brings clarity to the situation we’re praying about. There are many other ways He can speak though, including audibly.

      What usually makes it difficult to know his will is that we have entrenched desires we are unwilling to let go of. If we are open enough and have walked closely with Him through prayer and study of His word, it becomes easier to discern what God is saying in a situation. May your ears always be open to hear from Him, Kosi, in Jesus’ name.

  3. Wow that lovely, at least blood still runs in our veins and we are commanded to multiply. According to Paul if you know you can’t hold your self, you should marry. Oh am dating with JESUS.

    • Lol! You’ll date a fellow human if you want to multiply, my dear. You are lifted in Jesus’ name.

  4. Nice post. The seventh guideline ‘have a life’ struck my mind. Many people instead of fulfilling purpose are busy clinging around their partners always. No one said we should not have time for our partners but we should also make out time to fulfill our purpose on earth. Having a relationship with the opposite sex is not a sin for Christians what matters is the mindset. A positive mindset will always produce a positive result. Bless u ma for this article.

    • You have a quotable quote there: “A positive mindset will always produce a positive result.” Lovely! Have a great new week, Daniel, and stay blessed!

  5. Wow!
    Aunty Edith, I just can’t thank you enough.
    Oftentimes, I’ve been troubled to my depths on how to put to words, my sincere thoughts on “adolescents relationship.”
    But this? Oh no… Blew me away! ??
    None could have possibly rendered it in a more wholesome manner…
    Thank you so much!
    May the good Lord bless you.

    • Praise God! And many thanks to my guest who wrote the article, Miracle Nwokedi. You are highly blessed in Jesus’ name.

  6. This is really motivating, encouraging, and edifying. I believe a lot of young people (esp. those in the universities) need to read this.

  7. Inspiring and enlightening post. One thing for sure is that you never dissapoint us with your articles. Good work ma’am and to Mrs Miracle, God bless you for these guidelines.

  8. My confusions and questions concerning the teen relationships have been cleared at least to such a good extent. I feel blessed coming to this post. So happy reading through . Especially that of Nwokedi Miracle. She is really a talented Christian. Thank you Aunty Edith. Really want to read more.

    Thank you once more Aunty Edith for this blog!

    • All praise to God Almighty. I’m glad you found the post beneficial and that you’re loving the contents of the blog. Abundant blessings to you in Jesus’ name.

  9. I sincerely want to thank you for this master piece. Your diction is awesome. This is a must read for all youths especially the seventh guide, “HAVE A LIFE”, which will help streamline their life in right part.

  10. It’s fascinating. I thank you ma for this special guest post which has impacted positively in me. it has now cleared my thought and conception about relationship, and at the same time, this part of the post “God who created you knows who will complement you best and help you become what He has planned for you to be” made me to strongly believe that really godly relationship is the best.

  11. As a young beautiful teenager this post was made for me. Recently, I encountered serious depression because of the wrong relationship I was in. This post however has given me courage and guidelines on how God wants my relationship life to be. God bless you and may he continue to use you amen. More grace to your elbows.

  12. wow. this write up is very inspiring and splendid. it is a food for thought for the youth and a must-read for every body. thank you ma for this write up

  13. My friends always mock me each time I try to convince them on how visiting a guy and sleeping over when he is all alone can lead to fornication… It is always better to see each other in an open place to avoid stories that touch…

    Trying to maintain a Godly relationship is a very big challenge in this 21st century but with this kind of piece and reminder we will be sure of a positive result… Thanks, ma’am, for sharing and to the writer, may God give you more wisdom and knowledge to continue to inspire and enlighten us. Amen

  14. Wow, this is nice. I wish every growing youth will be opportuned to read this. It will help shapen our mindset about what relationship with the opposite sex is all about… Thank you ma for sharing this

  15. Wow thank you ma this for wonderful piece. Youths of this age really need this to understand what dating is all about.

  16. wow, this post is inspiring. before you start dating, you should involve God to know whether the man is the right person for you. also i love the idea of desist from every appearance of evil.

  17. “The truth still remains that every action and inaction in dating among Christian youths must be in pursuit of righteousness, clear-conscience and the ultimate good”
    The above assertion from Mrs Miracle should govern our minds and thoughts while engaging in dating activity.
    The biblical Proverbs made us to understand thus,
    “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”(Proverbs 18:24)
    We pray for God’s grace in our lives especially the spirit of discernment. Praying for God’s blissful blessings upon Mrs Edith and Miracle for this didactic write up.

  18. The truth is clear and is always open just that it’s always hard to accept. Sexual impurities among Christians is not what one can sit at a place and find the solution except by God’s intervention using people like Miracle Nwokedi.
    The Bible made it clear that without holiness, no eyes shall see the Lord. Indeed; the guidelines are awesome and am happy they worked for her. This issue of Godly dating should be brought to our local churches because many of us aren’t aware of where we belong. We claim not to date and make efforts to avoid dating, but we crush and wish a lot of dirty things in our hearts.

    *Abstinence and spiritual holiness need more emphasis.*
    God bless your effort.

  19. any one has to do should be in accordance to the scriptures, even before dating, we should consult God for his guidance in other not we fall prey to the thorns of the world. Really a nice post

  20. Very enlightening and educative post, I pray God gives us the grace to practice them in our daily lives.

  21. Balance should be between too much and too little, the youths need to be taught right. Dating enhances ones relationship with another when done,it exposes one to emotional stability and many more. Ma using this medium to clear some misconception is is wise move. U r d best.

  22. This message you just passed across have made me to realize many mistakes that I have made as a young youth but serious correction have being taking from the goodness of your message. Thanks so much…

  23. Hmm words can not express how I feel about this wonderful post…you have said it all….I just pray for God’s grace upon our life for abstinence.. I really love this post. Long live Miracle Nwokedi!

  24. This is very enlightening. Thank you ma for sharing this with me. This has opened my eyes to understand certain things about relationship.

  25. there’s nothing wrong for christians to date, even mary had to date her husband joseph before she got engaged to him.
    the only thing that christians need to take note of, is remaining chaste during courtship

  26. Nice write up ma, seeking God’s face first before indulging in any kind of relationship is the best and I pray that God will open the heart and eyes of the youths of this days ( Assurance youths) to understand this. Once again, God bless u ma for such a wonderful post.

  27. This is so inspiring, Ma. It didn’t just explain what dating is, it also gave guidelines for dating.
    Dating takes maturity and not age, but I’m also glad she stated that one could get in a relationship when he or she feels ready for marriage. This is because teenagers now find that as an excuse to get into relationships thinking “after all, I am mature”.

    She also talked about knowing yourself, your ambitions and purpose.
    This is true. When one is fully aware of who he is and where he is headed, he sets rules for himself, knowing there is no chance to slack.
    This is such a lovely writeup.

  28. A very interesting piece of writing,if only everybody can abide by these rules when dating i believe the rate of immorality reduce,this enlightens us on good ways to date since its now a must for almost all youth to date,the guidelines given are all essential but i love the first and second guidelines mostly which includes to consult God first and also have reasonable expectations not only going after the material and wordly things gotten in it.Thanks for this wonderful piece,i ve learnt a lot from it.

  29. Excellent tips! If only they can be followed, they will work tremendously.
    But people of nowadays are not dating because of the good character or qualities they see in someone, they date because the person is handsome/beautiful or influential.

  30. I learnt a lot from this post, especially when she wrote that we should consult God before going into a relationship. Most youths make the mistake of going into relationships without seeking God’s approval. Thanks so much for sharing this article with us.

  31. This post is quite didactic and splendid.hitherto, I thought dating is for non Christian, but now I have a good understanding of how it is main to be.The first and second rules that’s , one should consult God before dating and have a good expectation,is really awesome. This post in particular, is a most read for every 21st century youths.

  32. If followed well and true, these tips will lead to a wholesome relationship which has God as a foundation or bedrock and morality as a principle.

  33. Nice post. How I wish these seven proven guidelines can be strictly adhered to. It is just a sad thing that teenagers and youth dont care about this. They just want to date because of peer pressure and other things. Thank you ma for this post

  34. This post has been a blessing to me,l have had misconceptions about Dis issue bt what if you date someone and the person doesn’t marry you, BC l have heard such tinx

  35. Thank you very much ma. The way most relationships are going this days is heart breaking, we no longer have platonic relationships. I wish Every young person will read this post.

  36. I like the fact that this post talks about us putting God first in our relationships, I have learnt a lot from this, God bless you ma for letting us read this

  37. Many young people today have rushed into relationships unprepared and the result is not good. I think this is because they lack proper advice which is why I think this post is very wonderful.

  38. if only young teens will realise that dating is a thing of maturity and not a game! This is a must-read for every youth, I really learnt a lot from this post. Thank you, ma!

  39. If every youth can get to read this article, I believe that its going to reduce the rate at which they run into unfulfilling relationship.

  40. I have always thought that maturity in dating is all about age but with this i have been able through this post to now be clarified that maturity in dating involves emotional, psychological and spiritual maturity. These guidelines if followed will really help people who are dating

  41. This is really encouraging, I just wish most of our youths will read This and understand it. young people are always in a haste to enter into a relationship without knowing the necessary things they ought to do before entering into any relationship, Weldon MA for this .

  42. This is really encouraging. I just wish most of our youths will read this and understand it, young people are always in a haste to entering into a relationship without knowing the necessary things they ought to do before entering into any relationship. Weldone MA for this.

  43. Nice narrative and captivating blend of formality and informality. Coupled with a blend of modern day Nigerian youth reality and environment.
    Very educational and entertaining. I love the write up.

  44. This is really a wonderful and explicit guidelines to a better Christian relationship. Ab-initio ,this burning phenomenal question (can a Christian youth engage in a relationship) has pounding in mind. But I can tell You without prejudice that this is the answer, “what matters is maturity (psychological and spiritual maturity). Thanks ma for this post.

  45. This is inspirational indeed!
    I love this, mostly guideline number 4(avoid ungodly companions who will pressure you to go against the will of God),cause most of us youths don’t know or seem to consider all these. Our parents need to be aware of any relationship we engage in,in order to get counselling from them and also to investigate/access our partners appropriately.
    Thanks ma’am for the wonderful godly relationship tutorial.
    God keep blessing you with wisdom for saving souls(like mine).

  46. this is a great eye-opener. Most people have wrong or confusing ideas about relationships, when to start dating, who to date and whatnot. Maturity is the key, physically, mentally and most importantly psychologically. Some people do not have a good grip of their emotions and do not know how to make some very important decisions in life. Well-done Miracle Nwokedi!

  47. Purity in thoughts, purity in words, purity in deeds

    Wow! I feel enlightened already, the aforementioned points sums it all up. The author of this post deserves loads of accolades for giving Christians around the world the proper guide for a glorious and heavenly dating experience

  48. Most of the things we hear,see,read often misleads us,creating battles between right and wrong. This post is a really helpful one that teaches the tenets of a good and godly relationship.

  49. The writer made mention of avoiding intimate closeness that will lead to unleashing the desire of the boy or girl. She said hugging, pecking, and holding of hands is acceptable. Now my question is: isn’t there any tendency of becoming intimately close in the course of hugging, pecking and holding of hands?

    • These are the ways we greet people close to us. For instance, we don’t gum ourselves to someone when we hug them, if you know what I mean.

  50. Dating is something that is almost synonymous with courtship to me.it should however be done in a Godly manner that will not incur the wrath of God.it actually can assume any name afar as it is done in a Godly manner.What is most crucial and an important rule is that we attain the age and let our mind,soul and body be soaked in the blood of the lamb before we indulge in such.

  51. It’s so educating, seeing someone that did not perceive “dating” the way most of our Christian parents perceives it. “Miracle Nwokedi” did a wonderful literary work by giving out principles on how maintain a relationship that is pure. Especially in this our modern contemporary society where immorality has become a rampant challenges facing the youths. There is a big contrast between lust and love. Miracle’s literary work, needs to be applauded.

  52. The young ones really need to see this piece because there has been so many confusions about dating. The wrong ideas have been shared. So many Christian relationships has been wrecked because of wrong foundations concerning relationships.

  53. Thank you so much for this wonderful piece of work.
    God over everything and this write up made me to understand that there is nothing wrong with dating as long as you put God first. thank you ma

  54. Perfect relationship tips, thank you Nwokedi and Aunty Edith for this post. Dating is for matured minds, you don’t just rush into it out of love or lust sake, you have to be prepared because it entails alot…. To young adults out there, this post should be a dose to you.

  55. Aunty, you are doing a nice job , a nipwork of evangelist. Your blog is instructing,very rich and educating .This post is ideal for every Christian youth who wants to begin life on a good foundation.I am personally blessed by this post .

  56. For a relationship to have focus and purpose,God must be the master minder, master builder and master planner of the relationship.

  57. In most of all our activities in life we should involve God in it so as not to make a costly mistake out of it.I wish teenagers will read this article and stop rushing into relationships.I believe that you are eligible to date only when you have attained marriageable age not when you don’t know your left from your right.I implore our teenagers to read this article

  58. Wow…… Nice one. People say that it is not good and righteous for children of God to date (be in a relationship). Even one day I was at home and people came to preach and was telling me that it not good to date. But with this post I have learned the real thing. Thank you, ma.

  59. every relationship that is actually not built on God’s will through Christ the solid rock will eventually fail. This post should really help those who are about or are already in a relationship, some times love and feelings could be decietful so it is best for one to depend on God.

  60. Dating is for the matured minds and for those that are ready to settle down,the rate of immorality has increased over the years because young people think they are matured to date the opposite sex.
    Dating must first be considered by consulting GOD and also employing the idea of group dating. A nice piece from Nwokedi.

  61. “There is a way that seems right to a man, but the end is dangerous”. I agree with these guidelines because, indeed, they are proven; for every point I know a bible portion to back them up and characters to learn from – like David, Samson, Solomon, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Apostle Paul, and others.
    Wonderful post..

  62. As a youth, it is not easy to follow Gods path; we can easily get swayed by worldly things, by our friends and people around us. We would want to date because our friends are now dating. We would want to engage in immoral activities because our friends are doing it without knowing that the end is disastrous. I pray that God will guide our paths. This is a nice piece ma. I learnt a lot on how to date without been isolated from God.

  63. Am enlightened. I so agree with the guidelines and I believe that in every relationship,one should lay the foundation with God’s word. Nice post

  64. This post is emphasises the issues of dating and its consequences. It encourages involvement of God and abstaining from ungodly activities in the process of dating.

  65. I am so happy I read this post…. The holier than thou Christians has made me believe dating is outright sin… I think am better informed now.. Thanks so much for the guildlines may the almighty give us the grace to abide by them…

  66. If we all could actually follow this rules,the silly mistakes we do make in relationships will actually lessen but unfortunately it is not always like that and for the matter of Christians dating, sure we can but with someone of like mind….

  67. This is very enlightening and a great insight about relationships. Dating is all about accountability; being able to make mature decisions and take responsibility of any action or consequence. I think we should always pray to God first before we go into any relationship to be able to know whether it will be productive or not.

  68. The fact remains that the two must be evenly yoked and feel the same way about Christ if the relationship will go anywhere.its God first then the partner in every Christian relationship

  69. Dating should be care fully considered before indulging in it. This constitute a stepping stone for all companionship and shouldn’t be treated with kids glove

  70. Dating in a Godly and holy manner would not only please God.it will become a bond and commitment for trust,love,understanding and above all God’s favour and blessings.

  71. A Godly dating characterised by devotion humility, truthfulness and above all patience would stand any trial and challenge. We the youth should depend and trust in the lord for direction in matters like this.

  72. This tells us that in everything we do God’s hand is there even in dating. We should seek God’s help in all our human endeavours so that it will be progressive and fruitful.

  73. this write up really educative on the issue how to have a good relationship in a Godly manner. It is really good for the benefit all that are into relationship and young growing adults.

  74. Most inspiring post I’ve read in a long while..And yes it is also very important that we involve God in every of our daily activities not just when we’re about going into a relationship …I also agree with the fact that dating is for matured minds only ,even though today peer group influence has made most people rush into unhealthy relationships without even thinking of the harm they’re bringing upon themselves.

  75. These guidelines are really wonderful and inspiring. Dating should be done with the consent of God and also according to his will.

  76. Wow this has really clarified a lot of things for me .I think I’ll keep sharing this to every young person I come across

  77. This is a very important post for Young ones especially those in higher institution. Most times we get confused on whether it is right to date or not. Many a time our parents don’t even give us the adequate method to follow up while in school. Most people miss the way but its a good thing that this post approves dating and tells us how to date.

  78. This is especially for us the youth as it tells us that dating is not all about sexual immoralities and the rest . staying apart from each other as it help us not to fall into temptation this post is really educating with its proven guideline for dating and mostly involving God in ones relationship

  79. Very good guidelines I must say. But I think rule number 4 which explains that ones family should be involved in his/her dating life is not necessary. Too many people being involved in a relationship is not healthy,they tend to complicate issues.
    Also, rule number 2 which explains that women are the ”over expectant” ones in a relationship is sexist!

  80. God should be the bedrock of any relationship for that relationship to stand strong and not fall. We should follow the word of God in building our relationship. Awesome piece.

  81. This post is a very inspiring and a motivating one,but d second guideline which says”have a reasonable expectations “is d post DAT inspired me the most, because we gals go into a relationship expecting so much from our suppose which cause a very big damage in most relationships, cause when one z too desperate one ends up engaging oneself in an ungodly relationship DAT can run ones feature

  82. Christians are always caught up between attaching their selves with the opposite sex and being faithful to their religion especially in the teens stages of our lives .The post is inspiring and educative ,it helps in structuring and defining the things we do when with the opposite sex rather than being forced to stay clear from them completely which is somewhat impossible.

  83. It is always good to seek Gods face in everything we do in life Because putting God first is the paramount thing to do especially in relationships…some girls rush into relationships that they do not even know the background of who they are dating or even anything about the person they are into the relationship with….Gods plan is always the best for us in life no matter what

  84. Dating are for adults and not for kids. Adults here are those that are made mentally , psychologically, emotionally and spiritually. Kids abuse relationships. These above seven principles must be strictly adhered to if Godly dating must be achieved

  85. Undoubtedly, dating among teenagers have had its fair share of controversy.
    Before now, the question of who should date, and why should one date have nearly torn my senses asunder as I sought answers to them.
    Miracle Nwokedi, did not just write from an unmistakable moral perspective, but with reason and clear logic!
    A million thanks to her and Ms Edith!

  86. It’s a nice post and I think the guest writer touched every aspect which needed to be touched also, the part which she spoke about girls demands was a very true thing and also the aspect of encouraging each other too was very nice

  87. Wow, I really love this. This is a very good post ,and I encourage every young person to read. In our time, all of these are neglected, some people think that all of these steps leading to a healthy and long lasting relationship are not important… I have imbibed these and I’m happy I did. Most youth think it’s all about age and romance, they actually don’t follow these guides and then they up regretting..
    I’m grateful ma for this post ..I’m yet again reminded of what’s right.

  88. Nice write up. Youth of nowadays should follow up with this guidelines to help in a healthy relationship.

  89. Wow this post is really educative. Dating is something serious and I’m glad that I came across a post like this. Thanks ma’am for this wonderful guest post. ?

  90. Wow this is quite an educative post the best dating is Godly but the both partners should be careful. Dating is meant for matured adults but teenagers of nowadays go into unhealthy relationships which sometimes they end up getting pregnant.

  91. Dating is not a sin but people should not see it as a medium for satisfying their selfish pleasures for Christians it should be done in a wholesome and Godly manner

  92. dating is not a problem… It’s just that youths have used it as an umbrella for their nasty acts… Very educative piece

  93. This is a very educative piece.. I hope youths get to read this and understand that dating is not all about sex

  94. We have to be of age and mature enough before we think of dating. We should not dive into things we are not ready for.

  95. yes! this is exactly what i wanted to see. i am so tired of seeing too many boys and girls deceiving themselves all in the name of “dating”. i see nothing wrong in dating, its just that most youths do it the wrong way. thank you for this post ma! on my way to share this to my friends *smiles*

  96. Aunt, pls is it appropriate for a Christian to date a non-Christian just for the intention of converting him/her, if possible?

    • Thank you for asking. While we are commanded to preach the gospel and make converts among unbelievers, we do not need to be intimate with them to do this. You see, we can only share the gospel with others but actual conviction of their hearts and repentance can only be brought about by the Holy Spirit. When and how He does this is up to Him.
      We can relate with unbelievers as roommates, classmates, work colleagues, etc. but when it comes to dating with marriage in view, we would be better off with a fellow believer. Iron sharpens iron, the Bible says, but bad company corrupts good manners. If you read the short story series, “I Still Love Tonye”, you will see what I’m talking about.
      But having said that, if we are specifically led to get close to an unbeliever, then it’s for a reason and we’ll see God’s good purpose in due course. So the bottomline is to pray, as the first guideline in this post shows. You can’t go wrong if you walk with God’s leading. I hope you find this answer helpful. Have a blessed weekend!

  97. Please, Ma, what if you fall deeply in love with a person who though is a Christian, doesn’t believe in godly dating?

    • Hi Monica! Your question is not very clear. Is it that this person detests the idea of dating entirely or that they don’t want to practise chastity?

  98. Well said, I think more young people should have to read this post so that they can see where they are falling out of track in their relationships,so that they don’t fall jnto ungodly dating and also number seven point about getting a life really helps and should be employed

  99. Wow. I have learnt alot of things by just reading your blog ma. This is very educative. There’s nothing wrong in dating but then we should set our priorities straight in the relationship so that we won’t fall into temptation

  100. There is actually nothing wrong with dating.
    It is said in the Bible that we shouldn’t awaken love until we come of age.
    Dating is not wrong if we do it in the right time and age and avoid doing things that is against the Bible .
    In others people who have come of age should involve them selves in what we call Godly dating

  101. I am highly lifted up with this word of life and edifying word of God, which just revived my spirit. The post is inspiring and have exposed me to ways things need to be done while dating In agodly manner, without sinning against God. What God want from us is to keep our body holy for we are God’s temple and that God’s spirit dwells in us? More Grace to you miracle nwokedi and God bless you ma.

  102. Am so inspired by this,yes as Christians we are suppose to date but in a way that we will not be involved in immorality;we are suppose to remember who we are and always remember to pray because temptations will come but if we can ask for God’s guardians he will surely be with us.

  103. Godly dating should be embraced by the youth of our era,Dating by Godly principles ensures and open a foundation for truthful marriage and a reliable relationship.

  104. Miracle really did justice to the topic. Number 5 really got me happy.

    Of all related post I have read, I have not seen the number5.

    Thanks Mrs Edith, God will surely bless you for using this medium to impress him.

  105. Love is an act of the free will. It is really a choice to love someone meaning, you perceive the significant, importance, value of that person to you as an individual and to the society at large. Although dating is done by mature people, we should always do it in the principle of God.

  106. Godly marriages starts from godly relationship. A godly relationship can be courtship but it must come with all the rules to make it morally acceptable.

    • Thank you Jesus, it maybe amusing, because I said thank you Jesus instead of thank you ma. It is God who gave the idea and the grace.

      This as actually been what we are teaching these days in the, The Apostolic Church: ‘Holiness’ which entails All part of our lives, for without holiness no one can see the Lord.

      May God deliver us and also give us grace to maintain His kind of dating.
      And may we young Christian never fall a prey to the trick of the devil in the process of our dating in Jesus name… Amen.

      Thank you ma and more grace.

  107. A beautiful piece! Thanks, Aunty Ohaja.
    Talking about getting convictions before accepting someone on this marital journey, I know we children of God are urged to marry someone who is born again, share same faith with you etcetera. My question is, can God (in this dispensation) ask His child to marry someone who is not yet saved in order to achieve a divine purpose as in the case of Prophet Hosea and Gomer?

    • I answered a similar question sometime ago on Facebook after publishing this post. Number one is that we need to be certain it is God speaking and not our flesh or avdesire to settle down …. Having said that, we must acknowledge that we can’t pigeonhole God. He can act outside the box for His own purpose, but that is the exception and not the rule. It boils down to praying seriously for proper discernment of the will of Hod in the matter. And although that route is not popular, if God really said it, the believer concerned will have peace about it. You are richly blessed in Jesus’ name.

  108. I read till the last dot. Was really thoughtful.
    Christians who say people shouldn’t date should read this. People just meet and marry with ‘God said’ only to regret later in life. These guidelines are helpful. #7 is so true, you have to be busy fulfilling purpose so that you don’t cling.

  109. Thank you miracle nwokedi for enlightening us with this writeup
    I love the number 2 of this guidelines
    It says “have a reasonable expectations ”
    “Do not overburden your partner with demands”
    I just wish that ladies of nowadays will see this post and rethink

  110. Interesting indeed, especially the part that explained that being mature is not just the age but one’s level of emotion, psychological and spiritual… But for the part of “group dating,” I don’t buy the idea cos it can mar (jealousy, envy, two-sided eyes etc) one’s relationship.

  111. Ma, thanks for this post. But then, is there a required age for dating and a time one should start considering it? Am asking because i see a lot of people entering relationships early with the mindset of ending up in marriage so am quite confused.

    • The post answers your question. One needs to be physically and mentally mature before dating. Since people mature differently, a specific age can’t be given but in our clime, late teens would be the average.

  112. Its important to know Gods stand about who you want to be with, its difficult i must say to do so when you do not have a relationship with God. Having goals and reasons why you are dating is directive …me i cannot come n waste my time o..
    But i must say i do not buy the idea of group dating..?

  113. Most young people these days just go into dating for the sake of it. But it is important to note that you shouldn’t go into any relationship when you see no future with your partner. It is a serious waste of time and energy. Every time I’m one’s life counts so we should endeavor to utilize it properly. Also, sex shouldn’t be included in dating. Remember what the Bible says “the marriage bed should be left undefiled.” May God guide us in godly dating.”

  114. I think dating should be done when one has come of age, I would frown at teens below eighteen years dating. Godly dating is usually abused these days because the parties still fornicate, which is not suppose to be so. If one is not ready to settle down, there’s no need dating.

  115. An important(though delicate) issue to address. Thank you for pointing out these guidelines and my prayer is that we will adhere to them and that God will guide us as we engage in any dating activity. Thank God this article does not condemn dating for Christians. One more thing I learnt: we shouldn’t tie our entire existence to dating but also focus on improving ourselves..

  116. Every youth needs to digest this especially the part she said have a reasonable expection.
    We live in a world were material things speak alot. Girls now turn their male friends to ATM all to acquire material things .
    At least after reading this I came to understand that we should concentrate more on improving our self and having a life.
    Nice writeup

  117. Well said Ma, we should digest these 7 guidelines to help us in our lives especially as youths. May God help us to avoid the worldly things and always hope on him for a better future especially with our spouse.

  118. This is really an eye opener especially for youths of this generation who seem to have taken chastity or purity in a relationship as something no longer in vogue .. I hope they get to read this post to see what Godly dating entails.
    Well done ma

    • Dating should be encouraged amongst christians but the mistakes we make most times is dating of unlike minds and this can cause to sin if we are not careful.Is it better to date your fellow christians and pursue a Godly Relationship.

  119. Wow! This is very correct Ma. It is good to be mature and have a clue of what “dating” is all about, before involving in it. Some people sees dating as a way of having fun, therefore going against the word of God and complicating themselves. We must learn to put God first in all we do, especially when building a relationship. Only God can perfect our affairs and direct us to a successful relationship. May God help us. Thank you for this wonderful post Ma.

  120. I must say that this post is sorely needed in an age like the the present where godly dating is really difficult to abide by. I’m taking so much from this post. In fact I’m sad I didn’t read it sooner but at least now i can apply it to any relationship I might enter into. I’m grateful to you aunty and to the writer as well. I know Many will be blessed by this post in one way or another.

  121. Wonderful post ma!
    I must confess that this post is the kind of Post that every youths should read.As a Christian, being in a relationship is not bad but what makes it bad is the character you display.
    I pray that God will give us all the grace to understand that SEX outside marriage is a sin.

  122. I must confess that this post is the kind of Post that every youths should read. As a Christian, being in a relationship is not bad but what makes it bad is the character you display.
    I pray that God will give us all the grace to understand that SEX outside marriage is a sin.

  123. In everything we do, we should not forget to involve the most high God. We should have self respect and control over all things. This is such a wonderful and great one. I LOVE IT

  124. I can’t begin to imagine the mockery this post is going to get from people who do not really believe in God, but for us who really want to live like God and know him it is a must. The urge is there but ask for the grace to carry on and keep it till marriage.

  125. Sexual sins is really a snare everyone should run from , God help me to escape for my life as its does not just cause physical impediments but much more the spiritual harm it brings on its wheel . one word is enough for the wise.

  126. This article is one that is needed for Christian youth. The idea in this country and around is that a Christian youth and dating should not go hand in hand. We need to understand that to date someone we need maturity and not just attraction, we also need to know God’s will for the both parties and that dating should ordinarily end in marriage and shouldn’t be just for fun.

  127. The 6th guideline says it all Encourage each other’s wholesome aspiration A relationship that’s Christ-centered and Scripture-focused is going to be a lot healthier than a similar relationship based on worldly values. By pointing each other back to Jesus, you’re being proactive against sin, preventing your relationship from becoming an idol, and “(spurring) one another on toward love and good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24).

  128. These days you see a young boy and girl who haven’t finish going through the process of puberty in a relationship. I wonder what their intentions are. Any ways may God help us as youths

  129. Nice write-up ma. I think the problem today is not that the youths don’t know these things; I think it’s the ability to apply these things that they don’t have

  130. Am still confused Ma. over this question, WHO SHOULD DATE?
    I have gone through the write up, you said The idea to date should come from a mature mind ready to grab and grapple with everything that comes with dating. And by mature, you mean emotional, psychological and spiritual maturity to mention but a few.
    Does it mean that the majority of youth who date are not matured?
    I stay off camp, a sort of boys lodge. It have become a tradition that every weekend, little break or holiday you will harldy knock at any room without meeting a lady who must have stayed a night before…
    Infact, one of the days I confronted my guy (a very good friend of mine) over his sex lifestyle and guess what he said…
    “Sex is an exercise, just like going to the stadium to gym and all that.
    And suprisly, all share the same view as him..
    These guys are matured for God’s sake some are even master students….
    I ask again Ma, what do you exactly mean by emotional, pschological and spiritual maturity? Am confused somehow in this…
    God bless

  131. Anybody in a relationship should seek God’s direction to fulfill his righteousness in his or her relationship by backing it up with prayers.

  132. The first point got my attention ” consult God before dating” there is one thing I notice. We ladies jump into conclusion once the guy meet our qualification forgetting that all that glitters i s not gold…God first before every other thing…outside beauty and qualities will fail but what lasts is the inner beauty.

  133. Dating is not against the norm of christian beliefs, but it becomes so when it is characterized by ungodly things, this was truly inspiring

  134. I heard several people say dating as a Christian is a sin, growing up my uncle told me I have to go to the university and get to my final year before I get a boyfriend, I laughed it off because even at such a young age, it sounded really silly. Dating isn’t prohibited especially to the Christian faith. It’s a way of developing mutual understanding, responsibility, trust and commitment. It is a way of helping your partner grow spiritually, socially and otherwise. However to get a fruitful relationship we have to let God take the wheel and set boundaries.

  135. Beautiful post! Thank you for sharing this inspiring and enlightening piece ma. We are in a world where lot of people take such things for granted it only takes God’s grace and mercy to walk in his light and direction. My prayer is that God help and guide every youth to do the right thing at the right time in Jesus name amen.

  136. These are truely the perfect guidelines to follow for a healthy and Godly dating life. Plus I hope with time, most people stop seeing their patners as ATM machines.

  137. Thanks for this post. Number 5. Employ group dating, I must attest is very imperative for Christians in relationship. This principle of group dating will make you develop true love that is outside sex, you will consider your partner a friend and will have beautiful group flash backs and moments outside grooming evil thoughts, no matter what if you are always alone in private place with your partner your mind will always go negative but when you are used to group and open meetings it will help. I’m enlightened the more each time I visit this blog.

  138. This issue about ‘Children of God should not date at all’ has caused controversy, while I question the agreeing party ‘how then will you get to know your partner better’? Then, I question the disagreeing party ‘how possible is it for one to date without indulging in sex act’? Having it that sex outside marriage is sin.
    This post didn’t just give the best answer to question on ‘Christian dating’ but also gave easy and simple guidelines for godly dating and one of them being having dates in an open places and also avoiding sleepovers. I really am blessed to have come across this post, I can’t wait to share it with friends. Thank you Mrs. Nwokedi, Thank you Dr. Ohaja. God bless you!

  139. I thank God that I came across this post it has clarified me on a lot of unanswered questions. I always thought relationships should be avoided as nothing but immorality comes out from it. It is good to know that we can have godly relationship that is acceptable and Lust free.

  140. Churches avoid discussing issues like this, but relationship with the opposite is a serious issue and the youths should be guided or their curious minds would lead them into problems.

  141. Thank you Jesus, it maybe amusing, because I said thank you Jesus instead of thank you ma. It is God who gave the idea and the grace.

    This as actually been what we are teaching these days in the, The Apostolic Church: ‘Holiness’ which entails All part of our lives, for without holiness no one can see the Lord.

    May God deliver us and also give us grace to maintain His kind of dating.
    And may we young Christian never fall a prey to the trick of the devil in the process of our dating in Jesus name… Amen.

    Thank you ma and more grace.

  142. This post is inspiring. We need the help of God in any relationship because,It is only God that can form, build and sustain a relationship. Also, being grounded in the word of God, can also help us to abstain from unhealthy sexual thoughts or perversion.

  143. This post is essential to us youth…especially this days that we youth are easily deceived that the right path to finding your life partner is through sec… This post is what we youth need to know the right and Godly path to follow in order for a happy home and Godly life

  144. Its saddening what they youths of today regard dating. Funny enough, most go with the quote: “variety is the spice of life”. For a Christian, to date shouldn’t a fun-seeking adventure. I believe that for two persons to be in a date, both ought to be matured and are into such dating relationship with the view of a future together…

  145. Dating should be done when one is mature, true. But a 15 or 16 year old is definitely not and thus should not engage in any romantic relationship as he or she is bound to make grave mistakes that might have adverse effects on his/her future.

  146. I believe we shouldn’t awaken love when we are not ready. Love the lady she knows how to handle the pen and gives you what you want. Her writing is practical.

  147. This is really nice. We are often caught between pleasing God and our partner. The first step got to me. “Consult God before dating”,we often fail to do this. I pray thee Lord that we never make mistakes in the choice of our life partners

  148. ‘Consult God before dating anyone’, this step might seem irrelevant for a lot of persons even Christians who believe that because I met my partner in church I don’t need any further consultation. Well, it really is important that we let God in on whatever relationship we wish to get into. About the prayer at the end of the write up, thank you ma for that prayer because it taught me how best to pray in such situations.

  149. I have really learnt a lot in this post. Thank you so much Mrs. Nwokedi for these detailed and educating information on Godly relationship.

  150. This article is a must read for every youth out there, as it points out the wrongs in our contemporary relationships. I have learned the need to involve God in our relationship, as it will help us restrain our impulses and desires for a healthy relationship.

  151. One should define what he or she want in dating or relationship. Your motives, should guild you on the right track in a sensitive matter like this.as people abuse and call it different names. God should be a focal point and part of your life for dating and relationship. We should seek his guidance and counsel and other Godly leaders who has kept their marriage and relationship well.

  152. Truly, God should be the first consultant. This is because when He agrees to anything, one will not give up in it even when hard times seem unstoppable, because God has approved of it. Secondly, i like the fourth guideline which advises anyone to avoid bad company.

  153. A very interesting piece of writing,if only everybody can abide by these rules when dating i believe the rate of immorality would reduce,this enlightens us on good ways to date since its now a must for almost all youth to date,the guidelines given are all essential but i love the first and second guidelines mostly which includes to consult God first and also have reasonable expectations not only going after the material and worldly things
    We mustn’t be like other people by the way

  154. Great post ma. As young Christians the question of dating or rather proper dating is always an issue. The pointers you listed are very true especially the one of being completely alone. Such lone company can lead to ungodly thoughts which would easily manifest once left alone. Also including God in the relationship is another foundation for a godly relationship.

  155. Godly dating is a good thing for Christian. It will help you know your partner well before marriage. But unfortunately, many people do a lot of immoral act in the name of dating. Nonetheless, having something doing rather than being parasitic will sustain your relationship.

  156. Many youths nowadays go into dating to satisfy their sexual urge. If one does not know what he or she wants in dating or relationship, or is dating just for the fun of it, that relationship has no motives. God should be a focal point in any relationship and youths should seek guidance and counselling from Godly leaders who have been through a relationship that led to marriage

  157. Putting God at the centre of your relationship will give you an inborn consciousness of what to do and what not to do in a relationship especially when it comes to dating or courtship, avoid lonely places, go out with other people and above all inculcate discipline in yourself

  158. Wow, this is nice. I wish every growing youth will be opportuned to read this. It will help shapen our mindset about what relationship with the opposite sex is all about ,this is a very good write up It really pinpoints every area in a relationship. Nice one, ma.

  159. Yes, it was helpful thanks to Ms. Miracle Nwokedi for this piece. I also learned that before dating pray about it.

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